This is but a snippet of what my dating life has been like since moving here. New York City is a fascinating place with some really great guys so far. I’ve been on a few dates over the last four months and am starting to get the hang of it. Just be yourself and crazy stuff will continue to find you. Case in point: St. Patrick’s Day, 2011…
My cousin and I had spent the whole day at the big New York City St. Patrick’s Day parade this year and ended up celebrating at an Irish pub later that night. We ordered our drinks, and after getting crunched by the crowd, ended up standing next to a group of people our age.
I noticed one of the guys pretending to fall over from lifting up his gal-pal’s purse. “God, what do you have in here, a body?” I heard him say and my laugh caught his attention. He handed me the purse and I proceeded to pretend to fall over from its weight as well. He laughed, too.
A few minutes later as we talked, he asked if I wanted a drink. As the two of us approached the bar, a cheery, inebriated Irishman probably in his 60s stopped us, said hello, and told us we looked like a lovely couple. The two of us played along as the man complimented us and said things like, “I can tell you two are really in love with each other!” (I leaned into Drew and said, “Oh, isn’t that sweet, honey?” and he responded with an arm around my shoulder and a, “Sure, sweetie, isn’t that nice?”)
And then the old guy told us we’d have beautiful babies together.
We both lost it. There was no way to contain or hide our laughter.
Drew walked over to the bar to get our drinks and the happy old guy (David, it turns out) and I immediately struck up a conversation. I politely informed David that the two of us had just met five minutes ago.
David went white. He got a very serious look on his face, swore with a brogue, and promised me he could take it all back when Drew returned. “I can change your future! Don’t worry about what I said. Oh, heavens, I’ve ruined everything for you two now.”
I told him not to worry, and the two of us kept chatting about life, his sons, how he would have never been a good father to a daughter, how I was like the daughter he never had, and finally he let me in on a little secret I was already too aware of: “All men are pigs.”
When Drew finally came back with the drinks, David told him, “I want to let you know I just ruined everything. I just killed your whole night. I told her our little secret, that we’re all pigs!”
Drew cracked up but played along, shouting, “Oh no! Why?!” and acting all offended.
The last thing I remember David saying to me was that he’d pray for me. “I’ll pray that no man every breaks your heart, and if he does, I’ll break his neck!”
I can’t wait to see what happens next. If I can stop laughing long enough to find out.
